d u m b

have u ever been embarassed by someone infront of acrowd? have u ever thought of leaving school just because of it?

i have.

but i couldnt quit school, although i wanted to.

the day i got called out dumb by my own teacher was the day my take on life changed.

i was humiliated, i was overwhelmed and i was sensitive frim the inz

i couldnt take critiscm well after that. i had this thought at the back of my head that everyone i knew was secretly calling me dumb behind their "critiscm".

and the worst part is, i cry everytime. i had a horrible mental breakdown last week. nothing qas going my way, i kept getting scolded by my teachers and everything my friends did annoyed me. i cried three days straight because of it.

so is this what that teacher wanted? for me to somw sense in life now? for having me cry all the time just by that one word she called me.

i want yall to remember what yall said to someone.

because u never know if u've mentally broken someone for the rest of their lives x

question,

one frequent question i usually get from others are,

"how are you so happy?"

i dont really know how to respond honestly. to say i live a luxurious life, i dont. to say, im the prettiest bitch on earth, im not. so sometimes i question myself, why am i so happy?

somehow i'd top the question off with mayb it's the favt im not committed to anything. i dont have a boyfriend im clinging onto, i take care of my relationship with everyone around me, and i dont wanna brag about this, but sometimes i feel like i get to be happy because i like to sedekah. mayb my happiness is a thank you from Allah for having such a big heart.

im not trying to brag really. im sorry if i sound obnoxious.

and mayb second of all, i have amazing friends. supportive, kind, funny, masuk air, friendly, crazy– im honestly so grateful to have them. its because of these crazy hoes, i got to live in a kind, fun environment and i know im gonna miss high school because of them. people at school too, are nice to me. gosh, i really dont know why i deserve this much kindness in life. thank you Allah.

anyways, if you ever need any tips on how to be happy, i'll list a few;

- be positive! this is so important, its the fundamental of being happy in the first place, positivity brings you so much in life so always put on a smile:)

-surround yourself with the right people! friends play a crucial part in life. they're the ones that bukld you to who you are right now. and having the perfect fit friends means everything,,

-dont date when ur in high school. boys are trash, guys. all they do is break your heart and cry. enjoy your high school life! make memories, go on adventures. you'll think back one day and ask yourself what did you ever do in high school that you couldn't cs of ur obsessive boyfriend:(

-be kind! kindness, is so important now. be kind to everyone and everyone will be kind to you✨

-keep your life private. idk abt you but im not the most popular girl around, people know me but they dont really know "me". and i guess thats good because when u keep your life low, you dont stress easily and you just mind your own business.


i guess that's it from me, hope this helped;) xxx

what a world

i've never been a fan of the slogan; embrace your "body".

i've been dealing with weight issues ever since i was younger. my cousins, my friends, my parents, my grandma, even my teachers have always talked shit about my body.

"all you gotta do is run,"
"wow your thighs are so big"
"kau jadi qm je la senang"
"kau lari bapak lembab"

imagine having a 7-year-old go thru that? having to realize that she's not worthy of love in this world. that all people look for nowadays is slim, skinny and under 50 kg. kalau lebih, sorry to say but you're apparently hated and looked down in this world. society's cruel and we cant change the fact that they're mean, they're heartless and they're fucking selfish. they dont give jackshit about what you feel, to them, you don't have feelings. to them, what they say is supposed to motivate you. well guess what  society? you're not a motivational speaker.

how do you sleeping knowing you're the reason why someone's daughter, someone's son is crying themselves to sleep? how do you walk around in the world knowing you're the cause of someone's depression? HOW DO YOU EVEN SMILE KNOWING YOU'VE MADE CUTE, CHUBBY KIDS FEEL WORTHLESS BEING IN THEIR OWN SIZE?????

i went shopping with family last weekend, we'd been walking for hours and all my sisters already got their stuffs, pretty clothes, jeans and skirts and i havent gotten myself anything. apparently designers these days think that only skinny people wanna look pretty. and we, the ones who arent that slim, are meant to just buy ugly, cheap, oversized t-shirts. i restrained myself from crying that day. i couldnt look at pretty shirts and cry thinking how i wouldnt be able to fit into them. that i can never say to myself, "hey it's my size, lets buy this." no, we oversized people have to go thru the questioning looks on the salesperson whenever we ask to go try an outfit on.

when it does, its ugly. and when it doesnt fit, that's where it hurts most.

sure, people might say that we could go for a run or do aerobics everyday, eat healthily but what if that just doesnt work for some people? people like me are the type to enjoy life, eat whatever the fuck i want(with an appropriate portion); not live in a world where diet is a norm. but whenever you're eating, everyone just stares at with pity, wondering if they'd ever end up like me if they ate alot.

don't worry, you wont. even if you do, welcome to the club.

the club of the embarassment.

we're no ones in this world. we're not pretty enough, not skinny enough and not worthy of everything in this  fucking world that APPARENTLY THE SOCIETY BUILT.

so here's to the club, here's to anyone who went to sleep crying because of their weight, who's going to depression because they were bulled by their weight, who's forced to look down whenever passing a group of people, who everyone looks down on during sports day, and to anyone whose ever been suicidal because of people's mouth.

you are loved, you are beautiful and you are appreciated. you're worthy of all the love in the world and one day, one person, one magnificient person will show you that.






here's also to the fucked up society, that's 99% the whole reason why overweight people hate themselves. :)